i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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