If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
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His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
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I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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