I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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