I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
kristin has been a bad kristin
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
