You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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