let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
