i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
