a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
