I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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