Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I need help removing her.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
