this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
