i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
