I am midnight drunk by noon
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize