so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
