I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
