why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
