yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
