he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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