38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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