I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
