he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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