He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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