it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think your dad took our porno
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
