please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
