Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i drank out of a bidet.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
