You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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