Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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