Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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