Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
