I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
