how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
