Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
