Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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