Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
