My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
