its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
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