you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
