If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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