you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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