and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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