We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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