So drunk its hurt
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
