I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
