Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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