Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
