wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You may now shotgun with the bride
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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