Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
