hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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