besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
