Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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