Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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