Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
