that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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