I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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