awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize