the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
