What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
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