if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
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I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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