that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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