i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
