its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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