Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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