I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i now understand why vodka
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
