This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
