my mouth tastes like poor choices
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
