If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
