My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
