In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
