I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
