I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
